we broke up and he got another girl pregnant

This dude barebacked some girl, knocked her up, demanded she abort, and then said he wouldnt take responsibility for his child. Watch your language young lady! If a guy *does not* want to be a father, he shouldnt be having sex with women unless he knows, for sure, they have a similar attitude when it comes unintended pregnancy.. Guy Friday Theres many reasons besides wanting a mans money to not get an abortion. Deal with it, ladies. He could've at least waited a week after coming back! 5) What bothers me more than anything is the LWs attitude. Im questioning the inherent fairness of the law today. This whole thing could have been prevented that way. April 10, 2012, 9:40 pm. WHAT THE HELL IS YOUR BOYFRIENDS PROBLEM. Im not a woman hater happily married for 15 years, and I love my mother, my sister and even my mother-in-law. The guy had sex (presumably) without a condom with a woman that (he at least believed) was on the pill. April 10, 2012, 6:26 pm. April 10, 2012, 7:35 pm. The risk of pregnancy if something goes wrong broken condom, etc. Where the issue comes in is who physically is around the child more, which is placement, which though there has been progress tends to err on the side of the mother still, with all other things being equal. Yes, its not a crime. April 10, 2012, 10:34 am. she didn't know that she's pregnant after in 4 month later. Dream about boyfriend got another girl pregnant - Dreams`opedia Men this means condom. But in that case, taking the pill you know that youre supposed to use a back up method while on ATB. I was a completely amicable situation and hes had no issue with this arrangement and its been many years. The woman then apparently became pregnant with apparently the guys child. I could understand that he would be shocked and unhappy, but who does that? April 11, 2012, 8:04 am. well, then Id run screaming the other way. Thats my advice. Im not implying anything other than exactly what I wrote. i thought that was a bit harsh as well although her anger is unjustified, shes actually just reacting the same way 99% of people would do in that same situation. The fact the option to abort or not is a womans right is no secret. Wrapping it up doesnt prevent pregnancy. Iwannatalktosampson April 10, 2012, 11:45 am. Offset Changes Instagram Avatar to Takeoff Photo After His Death. Its unfortunate that he may potentially be a life-long relationship as parents with this woman, in addition to the legal responsibilities for the child, but any 40 year old man knows that is a potential risk. What do you think happens to the fetus? Steve Kellmeyer Copyright 2023 Dear Wendy. It isnt pertinent to the discussion. Or you think that landygirl does that? I think the hes a scum is more about not wanting anything to do with a child that he helped create and trying to brow beat this woman into having an abortion. The next day I text her that we can give it another chance, but she insisted she was not feeling the same . Its probably best hes not in the kids life anyway. That is what passes for reality in your world? Yes, he could have done worse by refusing to pay child support and not wanting to be in the child s life or being an alcoholic abusive parent, or what have you. A douchenozzle? 6napkinburger Because last I checked, saying dramatic things like we cant bear to live without each other was reserved for 16-year-old fans of poorly-written vampire romances. Susie and Jimmy find themselves in the same predicament only Jimmy is thrilled because hes enlisting and being deployed overseas. All my friends want me to leave him, saying it's not worth it anymore. That is lie fed to naive girlfriends/wives. The you made your choice when you had sex argument goes both ways. But he SHOULD want to be involved in his childs life. You cant bear life without each other yet hes untrappable? Calling the women here honey is pretty condescending, Steve. But woman, grow the hell up. I feel like life for me hasnt gotten better and Im tired. Imagine that you get to design a law that will allow fairness no matter which of these happens. Dr. Sherry. I think the LW here should wash her hands of this whole mess and stay away from the drama. We dont know that she asked for any money. I dont have a problem with that. I think we need to take a poll. Also, HUGE RED FLAG. She wants to abort Jimmys baby. 2. lets_be_honest Youre expecting women to put the penis of some guy theyve known for two minutes in their mouth?!?!?!?! landygirl. Homosexual couples dont HAVE to adopt. So on what grounds do you hold the carpenter for child support and let the IVF doctor walk? Like if the guy is unconscious or doesnt know how babies are made? You clearly didnt comprehend what you were reading very well. John Rohan Of course life is unfair. I think you handled your situation in the best way possible. More like: her: what do you want to do about it? Stop insulting her and learn to see the situation for what it really is. honeybeenicki It seems like the LW is painting the woman in this scenario as the sole person responsible for the pregnancy. April 9, 2012, 11:40 am. At this point, its an easy thing to resolve this without decades of support and animosity. Or until we decide to start a family., By that logic, virtually every dude on the planet is an idiot. Wether he likes it or not, shes keeping the baby. But the kid is coming, and if your BF is a decent guy, he *should* be there for his child (if he doesnt come around eventually, you may need to consider if hes someone worth being with). April 10, 2012, 7:07 pm. Have you noticed how people sometimes own up to having unprotected sex, but its always when they didnt get pregnant? You shouldnt expect him to bow down and praise the woman. If she did not use protection with him, or ask him to get tested when they got back together, that is no fault of his, imo. No reason to pass that one along to future generations, Rachelgrace53 I know you may not have that much faith in women based on your comments (here and on previous posts) but just look at what the women on this page have written. April 10, 2012, 5:59 pm. Jimmy has made his choice. 4) The boyfriend, especially given his age (and that this cant be blamed on youthful impulsiveness), doesnt look the best in this scenario. It could fail. In most cases a child has been brought into the world consensually, and so both parents should be obligated to support that child. The guy and the woman had sex. lets_be_honest As Ive said upthread: a man who sleeps with a woman he believes to be on the pill does so with the not-unreasonable expectation that she doesnt want to become pregnant. After 7 months I moved back, but upon moving back he made a confession to me. Im not exactly sure that the one million people currently estimated to be living in the U.S. would agree with you, but I am fairly certain the 500,000 dead definitely wouldnt. Nope. Also he could argue in court that the EXs fiance has taken on the role of father and the child would be damaged to find out that the fiance is not really the father. April 9, 2012, 7:31 pm, It is interesting that I have never met anybody with HIV who just magically got that way Instead, they have all been very upfront and honest about their mistakes I was careless Meaning they dont claim have been wearing a condom when they werent. reader, confused.i.is+, writes (25 January 2008): All Content Copyright (C) DearCupid.ORG 2004-2008 - we actively monitor for copyright theft. He says he'll do it after the first trimester as the girl's pregnancy is prone to miscarriage. You dont really get to have a say in this situation, but encourage your boyfriend to have a relationship with this child. Trying to force someone to get an abortion? I think the LW comes across as bitter and resentful and would rather blame the other woman, making her out to be the villain, than to admit that she and her ex really might not belong together. Thanks for listening to me. Im guessing that shes in the UK or Ireland, or perhaps New England. Ill bite. Her mother supported her and helped raise my sister for the first couple of years. We broke up for 8 hours 2 months in and he met another girl within those 8 hours. Hes scum because he abandoned a woman he impregnated.. Who then supports the child that the man made? Everyone seems to assume he didnt use a condom, but nothing in the letter says that. I think that the thing to keep in mind is that the angry ranters are really just a very vocal minority. Welcome to adulthood. Its now you, the man, the other lady and a baby involved in this situation and as far as I can see thats too much people involved already. After crying, talking, and crying a lot more, he left, and I closed the door behind him. Exactly; he sounds like a total loser, and how the hell would she ever be able to trust him going forward? Its frustrating, but until then, there simply isnt much she can do. At this point, she doesnt even know for certain that the woman is pregnant or that its his child. She didnt rape him. How fast his new relationship is moving. Do whats best for you, as difficult as that is. Id confirm that hes actually the father. So true. Read the comments. She gets to decide whether she keeps the baby or not. This attitude that men become slaves the instant a girl gets pregnant is actually very crazy, in my opinion. First, abandoned is a bit misleading, since (a) we dont know that theyd broken up before or after she discovered she was pregnant and (b) hes agreed to pay for the child. Theyve both made their choice. Mileage 450. Its not a secret that it works that way in our society. 4. stop stressing so much.many children are born under worse circumstances the guy and his ex its their problem to solve not yours. Shes also calling him a troll because he likes to show up only for these types of letters when he can tell DW commentators that we are all obviously wrong and from the she-women man hating club. Reading your letter, you are far too immature to handle this. In fact, step aside from the situation (my advice to you). He hadnt. He has a responsibility to the baby, but thats as far as it goes. 2. April 9, 2012, 9:31 pm. He wants nothing to do with her OR the baby? Fyrebyrd2 I have to take the stance that it is no ones responsibility but their own to make sure they dont get STDs. People are calling the LW names (harsh names to be sure) based on the way she is reacting in this letter. Its not a mystery. No it isnt. I get unsettled and frustrated whenever I see my ex girlfriend's photos on Facebook with her boyfriend and pictures of the ultrasound of their baby. Youre right Leroy- the really crazy, dramatic ones are the minority and I tend to ignore them as well. Men AND women have walked away from children. Are you kidding? And, you know, your well reasoned logic and stuff. When you have a child with someone you will have to deal with them FOREVER. The point is, theres a baby on the way who needs a daddy. You have a lot of personal issues to deal with, little boy. LW, your boyfriend is an ass and youre acting like one. Problem. Women are more easily able to get custody? Both a man and a woman are needed to create a baby. So, ask yourself why do you allow it? I hope you make sure he gets tested for STIs before you sleep with him again. Adoption is a completely different matter. In other cases, receiving a text from an ex can immediately bring up feelings of annoyance, dread or even fear particularly if the relationship was a toxic and unhappy one that you want distance from. Lots of it. Our resident male troll is back and defending his gender. And as far as I can tell, it happens an awful lot. Man I love got another girl pregnant - Ex-boyfriend/girlfriend I mean, seriously. Like labor isnt extremely painful. Like getting child support is easy. Miranda Lambert's new cop hubby lived a 'secret life' - Page Six Though I doubt thats what they really believe. Its no excuse but no one will every be able to explain men. He says it's a mistake and just did it to forget me. I spoke with him a second time after many missed calls and he seemed really upset about his situation and begged me to talk to him. reader, anonymous, writes (9 August 2008): A lets_be_honest Also who goes around talking about how he cant stand the mother of his child? A woman who is raped is stuck with the agonizing choice of getting an abortion, or carrying a child to term. My ex and I broke up for the first time a year ago. FireStar If a woman has sex with a man she should be prepared for the fact that it could result in her under going a medical proceedure, be it an abortion or childbirth. Gain some maturity and realize that you have no part in this decision, shes decided to keep the baby, shes the one who will be carrying the baby, raising the baby, etc Grow up LW and dump him. Its a two way street guys. Its that theyre more likely to be honest about not wearing them when something bad results. entertaining for sure, but dont be so surprised when people call you out on it a la Landygirl. I honestly dont care if he did or didnt. But, you couldnt let him go. It belongs to the child and the law is concerned with ensuring the best interests of the child above all else. Why is it that she gets to have his child and not you? Thank you, Roxy84! April 9, 2012, 3:01 pm, Well, I have to just give the opposite side of this that 1. at least he plans to financially provide for the child and 2. if someone is so adament about not wanting children as he seems to be, then all are probably better off giving the child to the mother only which is a hell of a lot like adoption. Go on about it all you want though. I said there and I think it bears repeating here: you have no right to assume the woman you are having sex with has the same views on abortion as you. I know Im not, but thats mainly because Im in a foul mood and feel feisty. And while not using a condom might not be the end all be all of crazy mistakes, he should have known better. Theyre both opposed to abortion but theyre being safe, right? 1. the baby is not your fault. But, yet, again you let him back and hoped things would change and he would be with you. No one has a condom, Lady says Its cool, Im on the pill and Dude says awesome, I already took my Viagra anyway, cant really run to the store. They bone. If he truly wants nothing to do with his child and is willing to pay his obligatory financial support, I dont think that makes him a scumbag, I think thats good foresight. But the important thing for you to know, as the mother of a child who may not ever know their biological father, is that your child wont miss what they never had. Your FAMILY can be the most important thing in your life not just your children. Only a valid argument of youre completely unaware of how babies are made and that birth control does not prevent pregnancy but only reduces the likelihood. Im not saying its a trivial thing, but its nothing compared to birth. Bless her heart. No clearly this is a brilliant way to be supported for life. Grow the fuck up! I have no doubt theyll be happy, healthy, and well-adjusted with a mom so loving as you! Im lucky that it has worked well for me and Im still childless, especially given the recent breakup and all. Well said I was like, is this letter for real? the whole time I was reading it. my boyfriend & i have been together for over 2 years (2y 5m to be exact) & i found out i was pregnant about a month ago & at the time i must've been maybe about 2-3 weeks pregnant. Your 40-year-old ex-boyfriend sounds like an immature, irresponsible, whiney person. He's got to focus on his ex and tell himself she wants to be with him and not the other man in the long run. lets_be_honest How long his new relationship has lasted. And yes, women do use the laws to trap men into financing their lifestyle of choice (as a single mother). And I tend to agree that with certain situations, men end up with the raw end of the deal. No worries. thus why I said troll label aside. She told him she got pregnant on the pill, which I think is a lot of cod wallopBut I think shes tried to trap him and hes untrappable. My inclination would be to run away from this guy as fast as you can. she doesnt have to be unlucky or a liar to be taking her pills incorrectly. Thus, her meal is tainted with traces of peanuts. He doesnt want anything to do with his child? Also, I dont understand why you spend your whole letter insulting her instead of him. We are so in love with eachother and are with eachother all the time. The laws are imperfect because the biology of men and women is different. Or until we decide to start a family.. Exactly, so if knowing this you still choose to proceed with anything that could result in a pregnancy you have no one to blame but yourself if you become a parent. SpaceySteph SpaceySteph How do you even know that his man was actually, really furious? lets_be_honest The only innocent victim in this situation is that poor child. No man would abandon a woman he impregnates. Theyre eating each other alive, and theyre doing it up hill both ways, in three feet of snow, with no shoes on! What would you tell your girlfriend or sister if they were in the same situation is always a good go-to. You have the proof he banged her and now they have a child together. If you are sure to always love, support, and listen to your child, he/she will be just fine! Imagine lending your new car to a friend who led you to believe they just needed to make a quick run to the Piggly Wiggly, only to have them return it to you totaled after having taken it on a weeklong bender in Vegas. Please. However, if a woman has sex with a man, she can make all the choices and decisions, force palimony, and essentially treat that man as their financial slave for the next 18 years. If they dont want to be taken, then they should think before they poke. Your bf cant stop her from having the baby. As a dude, this letter brings up several thoughts. These Are The 5 Signs Your Ex Is In A Rebound Relationship. I am pro-choice, for both woman and for men. Then the day we got back from this amazing vacation, he broke up with me through email! She trapped him? I mean, for starters, if I even had one unplanned baby while on the pill, Id probably not continue to use it. He has to fit the baby into their life, not the other way around. Im sure youll do a wonderful job! Ok.you were on a breakhe met some women club and after 2 minutes decided to have sex with her (which people do Im not against a 1 night stand).but he doesnt throw a condom on because shes on the pill (so hes not protected from STDs and he has no verification shes actually using the pill responsibly)..and if that level of irresponsibility isnt enough, he ahem finishes the job inside of her! April 9, 2012, 1:35 pm. April 10, 2012, 10:24 am. He wasnt in a relationship with the LW at that time, and had no expectation that they would get back together. Having read some of the (ahem) well-reasoned responses to my post (and your response), I realize the interwebs are probably not the best place to argue the merits of paternity law. But wherever youre writing from, I suspect the child support laws are strong enough that, if she goes after it, he wont have much choice. I agree with all of this. Here 13 common reasons guys start missing and try to go back to their ex. My opinion is that we all know that it can happen whether youre on birth control or not. Scan this QR code to download the app now. By clicking Subscribe Now, you agree to our, Find out why Dr. Sherry has this message for this scorned woman: You are being played with a capital "P!, The Single Married Woman: True Stories of Why Women Feel All Alone in Their Marriages. Whatever you do, leave the future children or the pregnancy out of the equation when it comes to your relation. I get what youre saying. When I could just as easily say, Its so easy for men to disappear after a pregnancy and never give financial support to their child.. But thats a crime?. As others have said, arguably this is more denial and shock than actual fury. Whether this guy decides to be a part of this childs life or not is up to his conscience. Those double standards take up too much room. SweetsAndBeats List of Everybody Hates Chris characters - Wikipedia You have no idea what youre talking about, with regard to child support. And what few you do procreate will become part of the growing criminal element, as they have no strong father-figure to teach them how to be part of successful society. If a guy *does not* want to be a father, he shouldnt be having sex with women unless he knows, for sure, they have a similar attitude when it comes unintended pregnancy. Not good enough. Were also stuck with either A) experiencing an abortion or B) going through a pregnancy. Males pay a surrogate to carry the tissue blob, or lesbians can carry the tissue blob themselves. it will be her due by July or Aug. well, The reason why I asked you about your opinion because it's really hard for me to make a decision to leave her behide her pregnant on her own. What the LW needs to do is take a deep breath, wait a long time for this situation to resolve, and then decide what she wants to do. You moved and hoped he would come chasing you. Knock it off. You knew he would not or could not be the man you wanted. Theres nothing wrong with casual sex. I think it is unfair that the man cant have sex without the possibility of becoming a parent, but the woman can.. He should have taken more precautions. I feel like a part of me has died . If the person who carried the child to term (woman) wants to turn the kid over to adoptive parents to care for it, then the responsibilitys on them. Chuck Pelto Hell, given the entitlement and lack of boundaries displayed in your letter, itll probably be your life no matter what. As for the whole mans right to not be a parent to a child thing, I agree with _jsw_. Again, he has not opted out of the childs life. He was instrumental in the whole zygote creating you know that thing that turned into a baby Whats that? But, the real reason you cant let go is because you feel bad that youve invested 4 years into this relationship hoping it would lead to something, and all you got is heartbreak, and him getting another woman pregnant. April 9, 2012, 4:44 pm. Cant thank you enough for your response! No one should be forced to abort a child, but no one should be forced to have one they do not want. His anger is unwarranted unless its directed at himself. "The best way to move through a breakup while pregnant is to let the feelings flow," says McDermott. Ahtrue, I reread the letter, and it did say ask not order as I remembered. Dude, thats seriously out of line. She seems proud of his bad-boy ways and his current claim that she is the only woman who can tame him into marriage. Um please feel free to disregard teh account representative, that may have been for something else haha. When two people opt to have not conceive by mistake but instead carry through to birth a child, they should be obligated to that child. I often feel bad for the LWs who get called names and judged super harshly on this site and sometimes feel the need to defend them when they just seem lost and in need of some advice. April 10, 2012, 7:00 pm, If you dont want to potentially end up with a kid with a woman you cant stand, dont have sex with her.. Painted_lady Eh, he knows where babies come from and there are plenty of ways to have an amazing sexual experience that absolutely cannot result in anyone getting pregnant. Move on already, LW. People think LW is out of line, because she has no right to be pissed at this women for wanting to keep a child, and no right to make up reasons why she is having this baby in the first place. Thats seriously not cool. . It was definitely his decision too. He ejaculates thats it. Yet you are mad at the other women and not him? I agree with SweetsandBeets. he was told that he could not have any children so i thought she wasnt his. As a woman, you have control over that. Its still good advice if the letter his fake, actually, since there certainly are people in this situation. Steve Kellmeyer By accepting all cookies, you agree to our use of cookies to deliver and maintain our services and site, improve the quality of Reddit, personalize Reddit content and advertising, and measure the effectiveness of advertising. This is your CHILD. Oh I definitely agree, a laid back scenario is no more absurd, it really depends on how people take what he is saying. I'm very upset that my ex girlfriend got pregnant by her new boyfriend Hell, I dont even know the lady in question, and I can tell that shell be a lousy mother, too. I dont really know what the question was I just assumed it was should we stay together How can you not also be angry at your bf LW? Its painfully obvious. You are certainly not the first person in this situation, and its worked out well for others, so you relationship may not be *doomed*, but it will be certainly complicated. If the woman is not required to support a child Before getting back together with your ex, maybe you should consider strongly whether or not you want to be with the kind of person whos angry that someone didnt abort in order to alleviate HIM of responsibility. Except I acknowledged that was guesswork on my part. Whether those parents planned it or not they need to be there for that kid and not just dump it becuase you feel like it. Ive known people who thought of abortions as no big deal who opted to keep unexpected and poorly timed pregnancies, and people who thought theyd never consider an abortion but who ultimately ended up having one. Its more than I can handle on a Monday! reader, Silent wing+, writes (10 February 2010): A Its just that all the other concepts that get us to the point of support arent gender blind yet. Apparently, the belief is that no one should ever have sex unless they intend to have a child with the person and are sure that it is a good idea. Blowjobs are a practice in breath holding and gag reflex control, and my jaw ends up hurting pretty badly if I do it for long enough. She left me for him and and now wants me back. Men get a say in abortions? By your logic, its just as much the waiters fault for not making sure the kitchen used different gloves when she didnt bother to tell him just how severe her allergy was. You pack of hypocrites. April 9, 2012, 6:39 pm, Oh, please. If they do, he is obligated to support the child. from the letter: April 12, 2012, 2:47 am. I dont think its necessarily fair. Step back and take a look at what you have told us. But I answer younger peopleI even have made some comments on Teen Rant. Having legal custody doesnt guarantee you or prevent you from paying support. Part of the reason I feel no one should be forced to be a parent is that those who are forced to be parents often cause the most lasting damage to the children. Sue Jones Therefore, why are you depressed?