husband doesn t want to go on family vacation

husband doesn t want to go on family vacation Ive known controlling people that became that way because it was a learned coping method for a disordered brain pattern not that it is a good coping method, mind you, but it is one. Clearly youve been abducted. The kidnapping/roofie argument is the same nonsense my parents used to justify not letting my sister and me go to slumber parties but my brothers could go on trips to Europe. Caveat: I dont think scheduled calls ALONE will solve OPs issue. He may not listen and will keep bringing it up, but its worth a shot (and then repeating)! So its not like its all new. In THAT case, that is a super not-normal response, and its very strange that theres a whole group of people who support this thinking. Me: Um, what now? Good luck, Emma. In either case, I should have ended it. For another, unless the husband is a lot more clever than it seems from the letter and follow ups, a good counselor would be useful to the OP, even if it is abuse. Super reasonable! One woman I met recently on a week-long work trip said it was the longest time shed been apart from her husband in 15 years. (And I love it when he goes on trips: he likes traveling.) Yeah you can get into some crazy stuff there for sure, but lots of people bring their small children to Vegas for vacation too (which bugs me somewhat but hey whatever). But I did find pictures of her with male strippers so yeah Im nervous shes younger and hasnt traveled like I have the world can be dangerous. I still think he worries about my safety a bit too much (and whoa, good Im not headed to war zones at this point in my career! Everyone thinks youre wrong.. For the OP, thats the problem here. I know that, but if I was in construction, or teaching, or something like that, maybe I wouldnt. Hed probably drive her nuts the entire trip monitoring when she comes and goes, trying to veto business dinners with her colleagues, calling her if shes a minute later than she said shed beAnd if youre working the conference, its exhausting and theres not really a lot of time to explore. And his anxiety is HIS to manage, not hers. Thats a very important distinction to make, between thing in and not in the LWs control. Unless theyre all really churchy (and the OP didnt say), if any of my previous partners said that, Id give it massive side-eye. Wow. While we were there, her then-husband called and texted her literally every ten minutes. His concerns are irrational, the trip is a reasonable expectation from your employer, and so you need to go and let him manage his feelings about it. We always have a good laugh when one of my husbands coworkers asks him, You actually let your wife go away without you? Please be safe, and let us know what happens. Casinos are some of the most secure and highly monitored public places you can go. Also deploying the well everyone else thinks youre wrong too thing is a really immature way to work through a disagreement. (also +1000 to RabbitRabbit for anxiety manifesting as control theyre not necessarily separate). 4. Well, okay, then, if your mom says so!. I talked to a financial planner about my divorce before I decided to go through with it, and it turns out she and I married the same guy too! The Sigma Derby game in the MGM Grand is a lot of fun. I got a sense of that with first part of the letter, but then the follow-up indicated he said his pals would not LET their spouses/sig others go well, thats a pretty bright red flag there. I dont want men to dismiss womens fears, but I have personally had more experience with the opposite men deciding to tell me why I cant/shouldnt do something adventurous. It has helped me also to understand where that response came from not just the ex baggage, but early childhood experiences damaged his basic trust, which he is working on. Your company wouldnt put you in harms way, and your husband should trust you enough to no cheat or do something vegasy. I love New Orleans! What the hell kind of business is even done in Vegas! He mad at my company and questions the motives. He also accused her of sleeping with her boss constantly. By in linseneintopf mit kartoffeln. Ive been to far more dangerous places. Inviting him to go might be a stop-gap measure to cover this trip. I resent our new hires for setting better work-life boundaries than our company normally has, hairy legs at work, my office sent me a random TV, and more, heres an example of a great cover letter with before and after versions, my employee cant handle even mildly negative feedback, my new coworker is putting fake mistakes in my work so she can tell our boss Im bad at my job, insensitive Diversity Day, how to fire someone who refuses to talk to us, and more, weekend open thread February 25-26, 2023, assistant became abusive when she wasnt invited to a meeting, my coworkers dont check on people who are out sick, and more. husband doesn t want to go on family vacation I guess it's doable, but I wouldn't do it. Give yourself permission tofeel hurt and angry. You need your job and you need a good career trajectory, even assuming you and your husband stay together and nothing different happens in the future. I wouldnt want him to go with work but only because I wouldnt want him to go without me, its our place! There are people just, everywhere, even at 2 am. And then a few answers like well, I wouldnt exactly be happy and yes, Jane needs nine hours of sleep every night and Id really miss her can be heard as my friends wouldnt like it either. From there, LWs husband might turn even one joking Id tell her she had to stay home, they cant make her go into I asked my friends, and they wouldnt let their wives do that, and might not even realize that this wasnt what all of his friends thought or how their marriages work. Its not just a place to go party. This is not helpful to the conversation, but seeing posts like this always remind me of a relationship I got out of many years ago (just 3 months before our wedding date!) Might I suggest Hotwire? Yeah, I was hoping the OPs business trip wasnt over this weekend , This post was one of my first thoughts when I heard about the shooting . Everyone except family becomes a drunk driving human trafficker after sunset. Oh thats my mothers thing, too. People in my family are prone to anxiety disorders manifesting themselves in this way (including me, yay! This is just.rage-inducingly bonkers. She didnt ask permission to go on a business trip this week, because I understand that her work travel is non-negotiable. I understand where youre coming from, but even if this is exclusively his issue, joint therapy sessions can help each partner understand the others perspective. And perversely its a lot SAFER than other big cities, because there are eyes everywhere, all the time. It might even be a wonderful idea, under the right circumstances. What other people? We went to the Grand Canyon, went ziplining in the mountains and had a great without ever stepping in a casino. A friend of mine was sort of that guy! Yall need some marriage counseling. Do you want to go? One suggestion is to be sure that any connection you two have while youre on the trip is done in private. (Is he really afraid you will be kidnapped or is he being hyperbolic to try to convince you to stay?). I might go if it were for a show I wanted to see that I couldnt attend anywhere else, or if I had to go for work. This isnt about whether or not the thing Im about to do is dangerousit is about her desire to control what I do. My spouse travels for work all the time. Those were a big hit. Theres no life insurance policy in the world that would substitute for my husbands continued presence in my life and on this planet. And LWs husband doesnt get to veto business trips, either. You definitely need counseling, and he may need his own as well. Just those who DO think its abuse should be aware that when they think that, the best thing to suggest is individual not joint therapy. I read books. A Crappy Vacation Told Me My Marriage Was Really Over - Scary Mommy I hope they can find a solution. Its adult Disneyland with spendy big-name restaurants, booze and slot machines, at this point. Yeah, I hate having that thought, but that was exactly where my mind went he is freaking out because he thinks OP is going to do what he did. Did you say, thanks for confirming that I need to get away from you immediately & forever? But its a good idea to add in. We are individual people, and of course we take each other into account, but ultimately neither of us is the others possession or pet. Eventually I sat him down and said something along the lines of, Dude, youre stressing me out. Same! For example, I dont gamble and drugs, etc have no appeal. This is great, Anon Poster. By contrast, I spent a week this summer at a conference in a not-doing-so-well midwestern city. I like having the house to myself for a weekend. And actually, trips apart are GOOD for our relationship, we miss each other like crazy after the first two days and it strengthens our bonds (and snuggles) when were reunited. Biking to work? You might want to change, but also can't. If you need to go out and do things, go do those with your friends and family, or even initially-strangers via v. The Sin City stuff is absolutely the product of creating a specific image through decades of marketing, not necessarily a real reflection of what its like. I have serious issues with anxiety and I read it the same way. Thats a bright, flashing red sign. You know, because men never get kidnapped or roofied. not roll my eyes and whisper not this again when she does go off on a tangent.. I dont even like Vegas and end up there twice a year because its such a common conference location because of the affordability. And wondered aloud how he would have been if wed been together in the days I was traveling to Kosovo, Bosnia and Iraq as a newspaper reporter. Here is the problem with appeasing people like OPs husband, whether they are being abusive or just needlessly anxious: they come to expect appeasement. 8 1 11 1. Having just returned from an exhausting but informative 3-day event in Las Vegas let me assure you when youre at the conference center/hotels there is security up the wahzoo and those folks are awesome. I also have a lot of real/not real conversations in my own head. I wanted to comment on the everyone I talked to agrees with me stance hes taken. I remember being like, What would I even DO with all this space? ha! Yeah and Ill add that it makes the advice people are giving much less likely to be effective/heard/followed by the OP if people are attacking a man she presumably loves and finds reasonable outside of this situation. It reminds me of what my parents always said to stop me doing things. Abuse isnt as uncommon as you think it is. I was fine. Theres a limit to how much they can make if they limit themselves to those who want risqu and sleavy. A three day annual business trip to any location is not an unreasonable expectation. sienna plantation inventory homes; masters in international law and diplomacy; is daffodil water poisonous; In that couples case, I believe the wife was worried about being left alone at home, so the husband invited the wife to come with him on his trip, and at first she was planning to join him, but then her anxiety subsided and she decided to stay home and get together with friends in the hometown instead. This was my impression as well lodging, food, and entertainment is easy to get in Vegas, and (I would imagine) relatively less expensive than, say, a retreat in Napa. Echoing this. My answer to the two questions asked in the original post are: No, you wouldn't be a terrible husband to go on a trip with a group without her. Being with a partner whose anxieties and irrational fears are put on your shoulders is not healthy, and thank god I recognized it when I did! I think its fine for different people to have different types of relationships. Obviously we will have to stop every few hours to feed her. Likewise, but I was in Hyattsville, Md. Yes, he needs to settle down, and no, Im not suggesting she sacrifice her career because he is stressed, but it really is BOTH their problem. And she would always schedule conferences for her small business in Vegas, for the exact reasons you listed. My Husband Didn't Want Me to Go on Vacation With His Family. He framed it as concern for my safety but it was really about control. Of course, this is all conjecture. I played the slots for all of 5 minutes and that was it. This is actually a place where marriage counseling can be extremely useful. Nothing magical about Vegas. I think youre right, but I think just as often people jump to an abuse/controlling scenario when it involves a relationship. Meanwhile, Im building a scene in my head where shes been kidnapped and terrible things are happening to her. What helped me was to realize that this is something Im prone to do, recognize it when its happening, and mentally tell myself whats real and whats not real. If its cultural issues, OP may still benefit from help separating herself emotionally from the baggage her husband is carrying, and learning scripts to counter-act the stuff he has internalized, that is causing friction. Youd have to make an effort to get kidnapped, I think. Some things are objectively controlling behaviours though. Marriage counseling is the only way you save this. Im just going to drop in some ideas and some strategies that have worked for me. Especially if as I suspect he doesnt have a position or isnt in a field where corporate retreats and meetings are a thing. Havent read the comments to see if this is talked about yet, but I feel like religion has a play here I can see uber conservative religions having more problems with this situation than anything else. I usually find that veiled anxiety/fear of minorities is at the root of cities are dangerous and scary and you must never go out after dark fears, but rarely is it veiled so thinly. (Ive been to LV exactly once, for work. Props to you for doing the hard work of managing this problem. So Vegas actually *is* pretty scandalous to a *lot* of people. Yes its a confusing sentence but I believe the OP comments elsewhere that she wrote what she meant, the people her husband polled WOULD allow their significant others to go. Yeah, Vegas is like Disneyland now. Hee! Youve put your finger on one of the things bugging me most about this: the idea that the LW has no agency. Because my husband trusts me. Hes a control freak who will beg, lie and manipulate every situation to get his way. Pressuring/guilting him into not going?